FOMO & More Guilt

Thank you to everyone who commented on my earlier post. Michelle nailed it - I definitely have a case of 'fear of missing out'. One of things that I love most about running is the incredible community of runners. We all share a passion for running and regardless of our talents or skill, we can identify with one another. We cheer for one another and rally behind those in need. It is remarkable to me and I consider myself very blessed to be a part of the running community. Thank you! You all helped to pull me through a slump that I now recognize is a regular part of my training process.

Friday, I intended on getting up with DH to make him breakfast before he headed off to work, and then hitting the treadmill for my speed workout. I didn't think to communicate my intention to him, however, and I was unaware that he planned to work from home that day. Thus, I didn't get up early (he let me sleep in - he is sweet like that!) and thereby had to save my run for the afternoon. As most runners can attest, doing so runs the risk of not getting it done at all. I thereby started the day a little annoyed with myself.

I had promised to take the kiddos to a COOL outing with our homeschool friends. I thought I might bike to the gathering, stopping along the way to register for the Dirty Half. Fortunately, I had the foresight enough to call ahead to see if there were any spots left (this race is notorious for filling up early!). There was just one spot left so I gave up the idea of cycling, and instead buckled the kids into their car seats and proceeded via fossil fuels. I was elated to discover that I indeed captured the last spot. I am excited that I have a race to look forward to after Eugene. Like many, I tend to slip into bad habits after a marathon... so I hope this will help ensure I stay in top form.

When we returned home, I immediately jumped onto the treadmill to begin my speed session. I was excited about the upcoming race season (I haven't raced since CIM in Dec) and seemingly had a little zest.

1.5 mile warmup @ 15:00
1 mile @ 8:06 / 1 mile @ 8:00 / 1 mile @ 7:53 / 1 mile @ 7:53 / 800m @ 3:48 / 800m @ 3:45
.5 mile cooldown @ 4:33 (9:06)
Total = 7 miles

Saturday brought about a busy day of family activities... I could have, should have, squeezed a run in but I didn't.

*Disclaimer: Before you read further, let me first explain that I try not to write about the normal tribulations of married life. All couples have their share of disagreements and arguments. This is normal and in my opinion, it is healthy. I share the following because it affects my ability to or willingness to run. I am not husband bashing. I love him unconditionally. I am proud of him. Blessed that he is my husband. He supports us financially and emotionally. I wouldn't be able to homeschool my children if he wasn't completely behind me. I am just venting my frustration with a moment that preceded my long run.

Sunday when I woke at 7:30 a.m., I immediately donned my running attire. I made a pot of coffee and brought a cup to DH who was working on his CE credits for his pharmacy license. His first words were, "How far you going today?" I began to explain that my plan called for 18 but my hope was to cover 16 but all I was able to say was, "18..." when he interjected, "18!! When is this going to stop? Your runs consume the entire day and there isn't any time for family. Why didn't you get up earlier? We need to talk before you sign up for another marathon."

When I was finally able to voice my perspective, I tried to remind him that we talked before I signed up for this one... that I had informed him then that my training would require long runs on Sunday gradually building to 3+ hours. I inquired about his 'family plans' for the day. He didn't have a plan or anything in mind with the exception for going to Costco for groceries. He just didn't want me to be gone for so long. He wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted (watch TV, play WOW, nap....) and not be accountable.

I completely understand his desire to relax on the weekends. I very amenable to his needs and I make every effort to assure that he gets uninterrupted naps. I allow him freedom to fly model airplanes when he desires and play video games to his heart's content. I know he works long hours. Believe me, I know! I understand that he is thereby very tired on the weekends. I just need a few hours to myself! Why can't he see that?

I reminded him of all the times I had forsaken my training plan for family... yesterday, my grandma's funeral, Easter, all the times I had pushed the kiddos in the jogger... I have cut so many of my long runs short this time... I'm already feeling guilty and unprepared. I have actually contemplated NOT running Eugene even though I am already registered. The weather outside yesterday was in the low 30s. It was predicted to snow! I certainly didn't want to go out! Now I had all the more reason to skip my run all together. I started making excuses.

I mopped about for a while... made pancakes and sausages for everyone (he complained about that, too!), picked up things here and there, read the newspaper... As I prepared breakfast, DH was working with Quicken and got fired up again when he saw that I registered for the Dirty Half. "Why didn't you talk to me first? You never communicate!" This started another round of the same argument.

I finally got underway just after 9 a.m. I was in no mood to run... but like always, after the first couple of miles I started to feel much better. I know why DH is frustrated... for the same reasons I am frustrated and why I fight to keep training... we need our time. We all need time to rejuvenate. As I finished each mile, I became less and less angry.

3.55 miles @ 31:47 (8:56 avg pace)
1.99 miles @ 22:59 (11:32 avg pace) - Talking on the cell phone with my girlfriend
4.95 miles @ 44:21 (8:57 avg pace)
5.5 miles @ 51:45 (9:24 avg pace) - On treadmill; Guilt & cold brought me inside
Total = 16 miles

When I finished, I drank two glasses of chocolate milk (my new favorite recovery drink) and made lunch for everyone. Thereafter, I read two Magic Schoolbus books to the kiddos and as I started to doze off during the 2nd, I took a short nap - though it was frequently interrupted by the kiddos climbing on me, etc. We then went grocery shopping as a family. In the evening, DH apologized for the guilt trip he laid upon me earlier and we made up. All is good.

The week ends with a dismal 31 miles. Now I begin the taper. Thank goodness!